The Impact of Diabetes on my relationship with my body

I have one question for you..... Have you ever thought about how having diabeties effects the relationship you have with your body?

As we know diabetes is a chronic condition that requires constant attention to food, exercise, and blood glucose levels. While the physical and medical aspects of managing diabetes are well-documented, the psychological impact is often overlooked, although now a days more attention is being given to the impact having a chronic health condition can have on ones mental health. 

The question above is the the focus of this blog. I do want to say these are my own personal feeling and you might feel different about how having this condition affects your body and how you feel about it. However i think it is important that we acknowledge that having diabeties in what ever form, does have some bearing at one time or another on how we feel about our bodies. 

Diabeties requires the daily routine of managing diabetes involves frequent monitoring of levels, calculating carbohydrate intake, and adjusting insulin doses, all of which can significantly impact one's lifestyle and self-perception. It can even change on days when the sun shines compared to when it is raining and each of these things are both unique and individual to all people who have diabeties in there very own way. 

I have never felt at ease in my own body even as a youngster but when i was diagnosed with Type 1 diabeties at 19 i felt i lost a part of my personal identity. I believed i was no longer Kathryn but a diabetic and there was a certain image i had to try and fit into. I never could put my finger on it but i always felt different to many other people i saw who had diabeties. I believed that my body was the problem, the way it reacted to having diabeties was different to others and i started to wonder if i fitted in the 'type 1' community at all, whether i would be accepted as my body did not look or reacted in the same way as others who had this condition.  

Over the years i began to realise how much managing my diabetes impacted how i saw my own body. It requires such a high level of attention, this constant focus on the body's functions and appearance heighten my awareness of my physical attributes and lead to an unhealthy preoccupation with body image. Whether it was being wighted in clinic, having my eye screening, being told that my Hba1c was too high and that i must do better it all started to have a negative affect on how i saw my body. The fact that i had to give my body so much time that i did not have started a lot of resentment for the constant interruptions diabeties was having to my daily life. 

There are also other things that have impacted my relationship with my own body. Insulin therapy is essential for managing Type 1 diabetes this is all a message we know off by heart, but it can sometimes lead to weight gain. This side effect of weight gain can be particularly distressing when society places such a high value on slimness. The fluctuation in weight can feel like a personal failure, even though it's a part of managing diabetes.This idea of weight gain is something that is never really talked about during initial diagnosis, or on going care. There is a cloak and dagger association with this topic in diabetes services when everyone knows it happens but no one says anything in the hope that we might not notice believe me we notice. For me this lack of knowledge at the beginning lead me to believe even more that my body was defected, some how faulty and wrong. Weight gain, whether perceived or actual, can be distressing for individuals who are sensitive about their appearance, potentially triggering or worsening already unhealthy relationships they have with their bodies.  

There is also the constant battle with fluctuations in blood sugar and mood. Especially those who are female around the time of the month due to hormones, sorry guys. This can influence mood and mental health. I have found that these fluctuation especially in my hormones can make the connection i have to my body feel even more alien and cause me a lot of anxiety and annoyance that my blood sugars wont do the thing you want it to despite all the things you have done to help it along. Sometimes it feels like insulin is water and we are taking it just for the hell of it, i have believed at various points during the years i have had diabeties that i was just injected fat straight into self, which has contributed to my body image issues and has helped trigger an increase my eating disorder behaviours.

There is also the challenges of Hypoglycaemia (low blood sugar) and hyperglycaemia (high blood sugar) experienced by all diabeties that can impact our mood and cause irritability, anxiety, and depression. These mood fluctuations can contribute to negative self-perception creating a vicious cycle of distress and dissatisfaction with one's body which can seem endless especially when things seem difficult with our diabeties management. 

Living with diabetes also means living with visible reminders of the condition.The use of technology such as insulin pumps, continuous glucose monitors (CGMs), and even the need for injections can result in visible marks, scars, or bruises on the body. For individuals already struggling with body image, these physical reminders of their condition can be distressing and contribute to feelings of self-consciousness and dissatisfaction. A lot of people choose to hide there diabeties technology away from the outside world believing that it draws attention to there body and emphasis that its different. These visible signs can sometimes feel like a spotlight on my condition, drawing unwanted attention and comments,I remember when i was Multiple daily injections (MDI) i would go into the bathroom to inject when i was out and about cause i did not want to offend anyone by injecting in the sight of others. I have at times also gone to the bathroom to test my blood sugar scared to show a little bit of blood as i was worried of what others might think, this of course was before the use of CGMs. This made me feel ashamed of my condition, that it was something that needed to be hidden, that it would make others feel uncomfortable this in tern made me uncomfortable with my own body. 

The social aspects of diabetes management add another layer of complexity. The element of navigating social situations, food, and the fear of hypos in public is another minefield people with diabeties have to content with. Whether it's explaining why I'm not drinking alcohol at a party or why I need to eat at a specific time, these interactions can be stressful and contribute to feelings of being different or isolated. Personally for me the fact that i have no hypo awareness has lead to a lot of uncomfortable conversation with people after a number of embarrassing moments when i have fainted in public due to low blood sugar and it is an added anxiety that i carry whenever i leave the house cause i never really know whether it is going to happen or not. These challenges can further impact one's self-esteem and body image. The constant need to manage and explain our condition to outsiders can make individuals feel alienated, exacerbating ideas that our bodies are not our own or are faulty. I have felt like i am constantly 'Coming Out' as diabetic which compounds my thoughts around how i am my condition and not a person in my own right.  

Over the years, I have tried—and the key word here is tried—somewhat unsuccessfully to maintain a balanced approach to a more positive relationship with my body. However, the complexities that Type 1 diabetes brings with it have often made this an uphill battle. However i have learned a few valuable lessons that have helped me navigate the complexities of Type 1 diabetes and body image. 

One of the most important lessons has been accepting that it's okay not to be perfect. This is been one of my hardest struggles and one that still challenges me every single day as i have such a perfectionist personality but sometimes we have to realise your body is doing its best to keep me alive and healthy no matter how unhealthy you may be treating it, and that in itself is something to be grateful for. Learning to appreciate my body's strength is a crucial step towards a more positive relationship with it. i have tried to cultivate self-compassion which involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, especially during challenging times. Practicing self-compassion can reduce the internal pressure to achieve perfection and foster a more accepting and positive self-image.

Connecting with others who understand the challenges of living with diabetes has been a source of great comfort for me. Whether through support groups, online, or in real life friendships, having a network of people who "get it" makes a world of difference. They offer empathy, practical advice, and a sense of belonging. I talk about this a lot in my blogs but finding your tribe is sooooooo important, not just others who have the same condition as you, but people who accept you for who you are as an individual. People who pull you up when your on the floor, with love and understanding, people who cheer you on when your doing well and even those people who tell you your being a 'dick' when you are. Cause thats live, friendship, love and honesty. 

Im learning that a health body image isn't just about how I look, but about how I feel physically, mentally, and emotionally.  Prioritising overall well-being, can help shift the focus away from appearance and towards a more balanced and fulfilling life. There is also no shame in admitting you are struggling with this and asking for help when the load gets too much to carry on your own. 

The journey towards a positive relationship with my body is ongoing and filled with ups and downs. There are days when I feel at peace with my body and days when I struggle. What has helped most is recognising that managing diabetes is a complex and demanding task. It's okay to have setbacks, and it's okay to seek help when needed. While the complexities of diabetes can make maintaining a positive body image challenging, id like to think that maybe one day it wont be an impossible task. By accepting imperfection, building a strong support network, and focusing on holistic health I'm learning to navigate life with diabetes with greater self compassion.