The festive season is a time filled with warmth, laughter, and the promise of togetherness. But for those of us managing an eating disorder and Type 1 diabetes, it can also be one of the most challenging times of the year. The holidays bring a heightened focus on food, social gatherings, and family, turning what should be a season of joy into a minefield of triggers, stress, and self-doubt.
As someone who walks this tightrope, I know the holidays often feel like a storm you have to weather. But amidst the chaos, there is also space for resilience, self-compassion, and small moments of peace.
For most people, festive meals are a source of comfort, a chance to indulge and enjoy. But for me, food isn’t just food—it’s a battlefield. Every bite can carry the weight of scrutiny, guilt, and fear, tangled with the need to count carbs, monitor blood sugar, and take my insulin.
With Type 1 diabetes, I’m constantly calculating: How many carbs are in this? What’s my blood sugar now? How will this meal affect me later? But the eating disorder adds a cruel voice to the mix: You’ve eaten too much. You’re not doing enough to control yourself. The noise can be deafening. And in the midst of it all, there’s the pressure to appear “normal.” To smile as though this elaborate meal isn’t causing your mind to spiral. To laugh with family, even as you quietly worry about how your blood sugar will react to dessert—or whether you’ll even let yourself have dessert at all.
For many of us, family gatherings are as emotionally complex as they are joyful. Comments about food, weight, or appearance—sometimes well-meaning, sometimes not—can strike at the most vulnerable parts of us.
- “Are you sure you should eat that?”
- It’s just one meal—don’t overthink it!”
- “You don’t look like you have diabetes.”
These words, however unintentional, can cut deep. They echo in my mind long after the plates are cleared, feeding both the eating disorder and the relentless guilt that comes with managing a chronic illness.
And then there’s the isolation—the sense that no one truly understands the exhausting balancing act of managing diabetes and an eating disorder at the same time. It can feel like you’re walking alone through a crowd, smiling on the outside while inwardly screaming for relief.
There’s a unique pain in having two conditions that seem to contradict each other. Diabetes demands control, discipline, and structure. The eating disorder thrives on chaos, rigidity, and self-punishment.
Managing blood sugar requires me to eat when my body needs fuel, even if my eating disorder is screaming at me to skip the meal. Treating a low blood sugar might mean consuming sugar quickly, without overthinking—but that goes against the eating disorder’s relentless rules.
During the festive season, this internal battle intensifies. The abundance of food, the unpredictable eating schedules, the carb-heavy meals—they all collide with the perfectionism that both my conditions demand. It’s exhausting, and sometimes it feels impossible to win.
But here’s what I’m learning: The festive season doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to look like it does in the movies, or on social media, or even in the expectations of those around me.
For me, success during the holidays isn’t about maintaining perfect blood sugar levels or adhering to rigid recovery goals. It’s about surviving the season with my health—both physical and mental—intact.
Some days, that means choosing to eat, even when it’s hard. Other days, it means letting myself rest, stepping away from the table when the pressure becomes too much, or reaching out to someone who understands.
It means celebrating the small victories: checking my blood sugar, choosing kindness over criticism, or simply making it through a meal without letting guilt consume me.
Self-compassion is the greatest gift I’ve learned to give myself during the festive season. It’s not easy—it feels unnatural, even selfish, at times. But it’s essential.
When my blood sugar isn’t perfect, I remind myself that diabetes is unpredictable, not a reflection of my failure.
When the eating disorder’s voice grows louder, I try to counter it with a softer one: You are more than your struggles. You deserve nourishment and joy, just like everyone else.
And when the holidays feel overwhelming, I allow myself to take a step back, to protect my peace, to breathe.
If you’re reading this and nodding along, please know this: You are not alone. Managing an eating disorder and Type 1 diabetes is a heavy burden, but it’s one that many of us carry together.
Lean on your support system—whether it’s a therapist, your diabetes team, a close friend, or the online community. You don’t have to face this alone.
And most importantly, be gentle with yourself. The holidays aren’t about perfection; they’re about connection, resilience, and finding moments of light in the darkness.
This festive season, my wish for all of us is not just survival, but a sense of hope. Even if the road is hard, even if the path feels uncertain, you are moving forward. You are doing enough. And you are enough, just as you are.
To anyone navigating this journey, I see you. I believe in you. And I’m walking alongside you every step of the way.
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